Paranoia..

          I've had feelings for this girl for quite a while now. She's my best friend. She's sweet, down to earth, funny, sporty, & beautiful. She has been very insecure about being a prude. Prude means someone who has never had a french kiss with someone. Well, that's what kids my age where I'm from call it. She would always say "I want a boyfriend!" or "I want to get depruded." I know she's been wanting a boyfriend for a long time. I was always afraid to tell her how I felt towards her because I thought she wouldn't feel the same way because I'm her best friend or she would be doing it because she wants a boyfriend. I felt as if even if we did date, it would be because she just wants someone to call her boyfriend or because she felt bad. 

          Well, about a month ago I started joking around with her. I told her that we were going out. I said it kind of like sarcastically so people wouldn't think we really were. Everyone thought that I was joking. Deep down inside, I wished it was real. I knew how I felt. We started this on a Monday or Tuesday and had plans to go to the movie theatres on a Friday. On Friday, my friend Rachel texted me & said, "Did  you & Gia hook up yet?" I told her no. She knew that I had some sort of feelings towards her. So she texted her and told her to hook up with me. She was scared and didn't know what to say. She thought I only did it because I wanted to get depruded so we didn't. I mean I do want to get depruded. But that's not why I wanted to hook up with her. I like her a lot. 

      Anyhow, a few days after she called me into a videochat saying "This boy who's been coming to my block a lot lately asked me out. What should I say?" I was quite shocked and taken back. I didn't know what to say. I never told her that I liked her. I told her she should get to know him first before going out with him which she should. She took my advice and told the kid Anthony that. But two days later, they hooked up. They started dating also. I didn't know what to do. When she told me, I told her that I was upset and that I had feelings for her. She felt bad and apologized. Of course she apologized, what else was she supposed to do? 

    They broke up a few days ago. I don't know what I should do. I want to start flirting with her. But then I think I'm a second choice. If she really wanted to talk & flirt with me also, she would have already. But she hasn't. I mean this is my opportunity to go for what I've been waiting for but somethings holding me back. I don't know what it is. If I told her how I felt in the start everything would be different.

       So that's what I'm trying to tell you all. Don't hold back or be afraid to tell anyone how you feel. Because as you can see in my situation, I should have. I should've told her how I felt. Maybe we would be together right now. Don't chicken out. Because what's the worse that's going to happen? We all have feelings. We are all human.